Married life

Dad composed this for the house Mass on Liz's birthday. Fr Farmer whipped the candles off (must be beeswax!) and sat on Anna's handbag!

George McCarthy and Paddy at St Mary Cray before a St John passion

A later photo of Fr Peter Farmer talking to Ross Hickling - the occasion was a visit by Archbishop Michael Bowen 

He later confirmed Dennis and Louise at Addiscombe

For the first year and a few months we were installed downstairs at 99 Oxford Gardens in the room Dolly had used. For a bath we trotted upstairs to the top floor but we had a wash basin in the room and loo in the basement. I got buses to Balham library where I was assistant in the music library and Liz got buses to Dulwich St Anthony's school. We had sung at Our Lady of Victories where we were married with Mr Buckley directing the choir. We then joined the choir at Warwick Street. This continued until 31 Jan 1976 when we moved to 15 Wrights Rd. Liz found out about the house through Mildred Dodds and teachers at St Anthony's school. We did look at a house in Shortlands but it was small. The first time we visited Liz and Mum and Dad walked from Thornton Heath all the way up Ross Road! I came via Norwood Junction. Mrs Smith kept her handbag with her the whole time we were in the house! Mr Smith was an art teacher so had planted lovely trees - sadly the rowan and laburnum had to go in the end. In the back garden there was a large polystyrene Rodin Thinker type thing! Original features were fireplaces. Any way we got a mortgage and it turned out we did well as the value went up. Neighbours were very friendly. Mrs Earl at no 13 lived to be a 100. John and Pat and Darren Ennor at no. 17 and John did many building jobs for us. At No 9 were Tina (still there) and Courtney at No. 5 . No 19 Hilda and No 3 were lovely too. Mrs Earl was a one person neighbourhood watch and knew everybody and everything. Across the road Brian and Barbara (now deceased) and later their daughters babysat for us as did the Odum family round the corner.
We were of course crazy. Working until 8 or 7 going to chorus Wednesdays and Thursdays and concerts and trips. No sooner had we moved in (and it was a freezing day we found coffee cups and drank whisky!) Fr Peter Farmer arrived and wanted to know if we would join St Chad's choir. This meant Friday practice and Sunday 11.15. In the choir were Josie McCulloch singing alto, a row of boys including Malcolm, Dr Tom Duffy sang bass and Juliet sang alto. George McCarthy sang bass and had perfected the art of arriving on the dot of 11.15 when the bell rang! Fr Farmer was notorious for putting his foot in it and commenting - I can see what's going on up there! He also liked fast tempi and argued at a Songs of Praise recording with the conductor. For all the saints whipped along. On the altar was MC Canon Smith (or we called him that!) The parish was very different then with a large Irish contingent. Fr Farmer loved trying new Mass settings and had built up a good choir with a good repertoire He took us to St John's Upper Norwood to sing there and would take the choir to churches for the inauguration of new organs eg Coulsdon, Lingfield. There was not a pipe organ in a Catholic church which he had not played! He loved walking and strawberry tarts - one for him at the summer choir party.  Fr Parkinson was assistant and he was a dear. Later he asked me to play for the 9.30 family mass. I turned up one Sunday to be met by Fr Farmer who declared "You don't look capable of playing anything!" Not a good start to the morning! Ross Hickling became the organist and later on he commuted to Canterbury cathedral to hear his sons sing there. We took part in RSCM services there. There was much good that Fr Farmer did but he could be very difficult. He blessed our home and Dad composed a short antiphon to be sung at the Mass. Fr F removed the candles and announced they must be beeswax! He then sat on a handbag and there was a sickening crunch! I asked him why he did not bless the bathroom "Wash me throughly" would have been appropriate.
We had a housewarming party and I spent a lot of time dishing out drinks in the old extension. As he left he said You did not circulate much! Frankly he was rude and rather childish. The worst thing was the comments on our Christmas letter - Josie said "He's just jealous!"

Mildred was the one who told Liz about the house and John sang tenor in St Chad's choir. 

The wedding

The bride. Liz when a guide and  at engagement party

 I had made life difficult for myself by becoming a Catholic as I had to produce more documents! Simon received communion whch made me very happy. Down the aisle to Karg-Elert Nun danket. Beforehand Rhosymedre to calm me down! Photos - Our Lady of Victories has since been transformed!Car to De Vere hotel and then reception and speeches. Dad recorded piano music for it. It all went so quickly and so many people we knew were there from all over the country - Lana (in hat) Ron, Betty and Stan standing in for Mum and Dad, Newcastle in strength but no Nellie, Pauline Clarke from Norwich. We left to "Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye" taxi to Rubens hotel. Got to room and suit full of confetti. Promptly burst into tears because I was so happy and I really missed Ann and Mum and Dad. Dinner sent champagne back - not cold enough. So to bed after many months of waiting!
Next day Mass at Westminster cathedral and to the airport to go to Munich. Coach to Austria dropping off people at grand hotels. Our hotel at Traunkirchen was small and goat's cheese was served. Oh well nothing else have to eat it! An idyllic time - it was where Brahms composed the second symphony and Wolf loved it - that was good enough for me! Trips to salt mine, Salzburg and wonderful Vienna and the musical instrument museum. On the last night everyone came on our balcony which was the biggest for the fireworks over the lake and somebody mixed my drinks. I was sick! Liz swam in the cold lake I didn't! At that stage I had not had lessons - only when at school.

Engagement

We made two trips to Newcastle for 2 weddings Barbara and Den where Shirley met Jim and so they also got married! I recall Dad's comments on the pub on the night before Den's wedding for Newcastle Brown ale - he was very unimpressed having worked in pubs in Ladbroke Grove. The Newcastle family were all so welcoming. Before the wedding we went to Orange to sing with Guilini and Simon and Francis burst into the bedroom only to find us chatting!

Jean, Elaine, Liz and me at the pool.

Display at Liz's school St Anthony's East Dulwich

The wedding

Signing the register with Fr Eldridge (in fact a registrar had to be present)

page 102 Dad gets the engagement month wrong. Aug 3rd 1974 happiest day of my life. I went to stay at Simon and Jenny's in Kew on the night before and had forgotten pyjamas. Result I nearly lost my voice for the big day. We had been for drinks at the Windmill after the choir rehearsal. Dad's anthem went well but the Byrd 4 part mass was more tricky for chorus singers. John East conducted and David Bevan played. Francis had the service sheets and decided not to sing so he left the sheets on the piano downstairs at church but we did not know where they were so we went ahead without them. My hair and beard had been done by Toni and I had a lovely 3 piece grey pinstripe suit with grey cravat chosen by Simon who looked immaculate. It was so lovely that so many people came from all over the country including Stan and Betty standing in for Mum and Dad (who recorded piano music for the reception) Newcastle relatives came in strength but Nellie refused. Pauline Clarke from Norwich, Ron Richardson.
There was a delay at the start as they were waiting for Fr Benedict who did not come. Bliss Fanfares twice! And there she was - so lovely like an English rose in white and simple veil. I was so happy. The night before I was worried but how could I be worried!  I had met the love of my life! The rest was a dream. Fr Eldridge very tall - Is he one of us? he asked Liz. After all the preparation! Simon receiving communion. Taxi to the hotel De Vere opposite Kensington gardens. All too soon the tea was over and the toasts done and we were off to "Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye" in a taxi to the Rubens hotel near Victoria. When we got to the room I had confetti everywhere and I burst into tears because I was so happy and because Ann, Mum and Dad were not there but all our friends were! To dinner and sent the champagne back because it was not cold enough. And so the long awaited moment! The next morning to Mass at the cathedral and off to get the plane to Munich. From there coaches to Austria and our hotel seemed very small after the others! Meal of goats cheese - oh well if there's nothing else! 

Harold Darke

I resigned from St Michael's but I did sing the solo in In the bleak midwinter and was complimented on it. (Dec 17th lunchtime carols). Jim was an American repetiteur in the chorus and he was a marvellous pianist. He went to Germany. The 1973 diary is fascinating as it is a whirlwind of going to operas, concerts, rehearsals, galleries. 1974 was equally exciting and a month before we married I started at Balham music library as an assistant. At the end of my career I left as the boss! In those days vinyl was big. Alas a lot of nonsense was going on with me banished to the basement so Francis could entertain his many gay Black friends upstairs. There was talk of scams as well. Mr Goring had built his own empire of music libraries all of which eventually shut. The one person I really liked from those days was Gill Mason married to Chris. Jane Allen and Una disliked me and thought me cheeky! 

Engaged

My diary shows that the date was fixed very quickly by October 15th. Father Eldridge, Simon and Carole were informed. We had an engagement party on Nov 17. The first 6 months of 1973 I worked in Tower Hamlets libraries which was often extremely dull. I took every opportunity to visit galleries and operas. St Michael's Cornhill went well and I seem to have recorded items according to my diary. Liz gets mentioned a lot. So I was very busy (what's news) plus commuting from Ealing having left the flat in Clapham South after finding a cat hair in my breakfast egg. She probably was not allowed to have a lodger in a council flat! The move to the BBC library Brentford meant an easy coach commute from Ealing and cooked lunches in the Ealing canteen chatting about the chorus every day with oone of the altos.Simon and Jenny Moore are much in evidence.  Of couse I had to commute but by then I was at 99 Oxford Gardens chastely in the living room on a put you up. 2 buses every day. Late nights were not fun getting home. 

Liz's aunts K and Sheila in South Africa

Lyn had been a good friend to me at Ealing making sure I got a bedsit in the house.

These are 2 spoof cards of films as we used to catalogue them at the BBC. One reason I left was that a man in our office was promoted who did no work at all! Most people were there just get into the BBC. One compensation was being able to watch films of concerts like Giulini conducting the War requiem at the Albert Hall.

Paris

On 10th October 1973 Liz and I were in Paris with Giulini singing Verdi requiem. We sat in the gardens of the Musee Rodin and chatted. She said "Are saying what I think you are saying?" I never actually asked her or got on one knee! Of course we were deliriously happy and the ladies of the chorus who had been watching progress were delighted. On the charter plane back free champagne! We rang Oxford Gardens and announced we were engaged. Dad said "Oh!" Never asked him either! They must have seen it coming a mile off! I recall asking Liz if I had to walk her home which was de rigeur in Africa! She longed for me to kiss her. I was shy and obsessed with music and religion. Mum and Dad were delighted. Later on I announced I would become a Catholic. Dad said "You don't need to do that" but I was determined not to be split at the altar. Liz got permission to come to C of E services (!) at St Mary Abbots and I went to Our Lady of Victories Masses where she sang in the choir. So I started preparation at Ealing Abbey with Brother Benedict the abbot. He was so kind and said "Never abandon where you came from - it's how you got to this point". n our 25th we tried to contact him - he had left and married a widow with 6 kids! I was receieved on a miserable evening in a side chapel - no Easter Vigil for me. Liz's Mum had also been through this when she became RC soon after marrying Dad. In those days their wedding had been a quiet affair so they wanted the best for their daughter. At one meeting I got annoyed and said it was our wedding but it was smoothed over. We bought a lovely engagement ring and the date was set. The programme from the Verdi requiem with the Orchestre de Paris is interesting as Charles Spencer is given as President of the chorus but chorus members are  not listed. The soloists were Scotto, Cossotto, Bergonzi and Arie.

First love

 Grumpy

Here I am in Ghent note the long beard and the cine camera also the Johannian blazer! In his book "Sweet sorrow" David Nicholls comments that first love is boring. Well at the time it was anything but! What a mixture of emotions! Gradually Liz and I grew closer. We spent a lot of time together on chorus trips that year - Spain, Belgium, Orange. In fact it was a bumper year for tours. No sooner had I started than Ron Archer was asking "You going to Spain?". It was Belshazzar with Fruhbeck de Burgos and we sang 3 times in Madrid. The Sunday audience clapped us off the stage! I gave Liz my red carnation and that became our flower! In Barcelona I nipped off to Montserrat retuning by scary cable car (woman I can't look it's fantastic I can't look). Ron saw me dash into the hotel on the Ramblas and there was just enough time but it was madness and you needed to be fresh to sing! 2 years ago we visited Madrid and Barcelona and the wonderful Montserrat (Liz had sung there with the chorus impromptu on a previous trip). There is a photo of me in Ghent with beard looking very grumpy. I was not impressed at being asked to pay for a kneeler at Mass! There was a similar occasion when I walked out of Mass at St Charles square over the priest's homily - no idea what he said! Liz was very concerned. But I am jumping ahead! We went to the Proms because Dad was a steward and always sat in the left hand box first tier. When Liz went away I really missed her and she knitted a yellow waistcoat for me (Dad Is that for loverboy?) I must have looked a sight when I first visited Oxford Gardens Bible under arm and a deerstalker to keep my ears warm! We were at the concert by Maria Callas and Giuseppi di Stefano with Ivor Newton at the Festival Hall which was televised. She got a standing ovation at the start but listening again to it they were both awful, But what  a stage presence! I was also at the last appearance by Jacqueline du Pre playing the Elgar at the Festival Hall, Liz could not watch her but I think her performance was wonderful.

Cornhill

I visited various churches on Sundays and became an amateur tenor at St Michael Cornhill for a year. There were some fine voices in the choir. My problem was that Richard Popplewell was a great organist but no choir trainer. I found myself sight reading Mattins settings by Boyce and I was not given copies in advance. I did sing the solo in "In the bleak midwinter" and met the great Dr Harold Darke. He was so fond of the vicar Canon Motley he would sit on his lap. Both happily married! My confidence in solo singing did grow. I have a service sheet for the funeral of Canon Norman Motley 20 Jan 1981. He was 67. 

Bishop Barry of Southwell regularly attended -he was a Canon of Westminster. Joan Cross who sang Gloriana and produced operas also came. 

Bristol

Liz lost no time in apologising  for getting off the coach from Coventry. We soon became friends while others watched the romance slowly progressing. I invited her to come on an away day train trip to Bristol. Her Mum made a picnic and she got on at Paddington and I got on at Ealing. It was a lovely day and we saw the bridge and Clifton Zoo. I said let's go to evensong in the cathedral and we will sit in the choir. She seemed surprised but enjoyed the service. Liz said"ive never been to that. I belong to the opposition". Me "Why? Are you a Methodist?" "No I'm a Catholic" "you're not the opposition!" Rcs were positively discouraged from entering other churches even after Vatican 2 although things were changing. I had assumed English girls would be vaguely C of E. In Joburg you had to accompany the girl home. My encounters with women had consisted of polite conversation. One date had not been a success. I had of course met many people on my travels and the library. But Liz was just special. We were meant for each other. 

King's Cambridge

1972 my first Christmas away from home. Hugh Mathew was an architect who worked with Stephen Dykes Bower on Westminster Abbey and Bury St Edmunds cathedral. His family had Moral rearmament connections and I was fond of his auntie.

 My account in St Mark's magazine

 He arranged for us to go to the Carol service at King's a fantastic moment as we always listened to this at Christmas. Sadly my comments about his far rights connections got back to Hugh and he cut off relations. He ran onto the station in Essex today return some films and said nothing. He always was rather peculiar! 

The Chorus

Michael suggested auditioning for the Philharmonia Chorus and Hagen-Groll said I would be heard again in 6 months. It did not happen as Ron Archer sat next to me. At the first rehearsal Ethel magnificent contralto said you're a new tenor and Liz also said Hello. It was Elijah and we were to sing it in Coventry cathedral with Fruhbeck. Russell Burgess said you can't learn this on one rehearsal but astonishingly I sang and sight read a lot of it!  The concert was mind blowing. On the coach Liz asked about my accent and we established her great aunt lived in Yeoville and I must have walked past her house on the way to school. Liz got out at Baker Street and I stayed on to get the Central line to White City. I thought tubes ran all night! I used the money from the concert to get an illegal cab back to Ealing. 

Friends

With Lyn at Whipsnade

I was very fortunate to have good friends in London. Scott MacRobert from my class had suffered with asthma in Joburg and became a successful architect in London. For a month I stayed with his mother Joan in Roehampton. Scott had published a short history of Putney and arranged for me to meet Mr Smith at West Hill library. Although we was deputy librarian he was without power! I got a job at WHSmith in Sloane Square up until Christmas when we were laid off. The boss's son worked with us and was regarded as a spy. Some assistants were useless and I hated the disordered shelves. I found a b and b in a council flat at Clapham South so went to work on the 137 bus. I left the band b because of cat hairs I my egg. I applied to Tower Hamlets libraries and Michael Goldthorpe told me to shave off the beard. The man who interviewed me had a beard! I got the job and for 6 months worked in Bow, Poplar and Bethnal Green libraries. It was very quiet and  boring not like the new idea stores. Poplar was cut off by roads. It is now closed.
Lynn Stagg a library colleague from JPL said Mrs Clarke had a room at 22 Woodville Gardens Ealing. I could cook there. Lynn was lesbian.


I had a very long commute on the underground but I found I could go to opera and concerts halfway home! Sadly Scott died and by then I had moved at least three times so did not know. Lynn came to our wedding but I also lost touch with her. 

Looking back

There is a huge gap and I have been struggling to find time to write. Also 45 years is a long time. How to capture the excitement of London, the extraordinary first year in the Philharmonia chorus, the joy of first and only true love? We are currently relaxing in Bali and the sea often brings thoughts of the past and the seemingly vast distances I have travelled. The greatest thing our parents gave us was love and encouragement. I never thought that I had courage but actually I did have a lot. Liz was different in that she always hated failure. Exams were a nightmare for her. I did not do music exams as Miss Kadden realised I hated repeating things. I did well in school exams and worked hard at uni. The beach has also brought a sad memory of when Grandma died and Mum wanted me to go and find Dad on the beach and I did not go. What would I have said? I know now that I just needed to be there and say nothing. A regret. There was a similar occasion in my first year in London when I went to Victoria Station to go the funeral in Chatham of Ma Ward and I basically chickened out and did not go. This was odd as I have a strong sense of duty. The Wards had been very kind to Dad and the family.